What Materialists Gets Wrong (and Right) About Matchmaking: A Real Matchmaker’s Behind-the-Scenes Take

When Hollywood puts matchmaking on screen, real matchmakers tend to brace themselves.

Eariler this summer, I was interviewed by People about the film Materialists, written and directed by Celine Song and starring Dakota Johnson as a Manhattan matchmaker navigating modern love.

The film sparked conversation for a reason. It is stylish, provocative, and deeply skeptical about whether love can survive in a world obsessed with optimization and checklists. But as a fourth-generation professional matchmaker who has set up over 7,000 first dates, I watched Materialists through a very specific lens.

This is the behind-the-scenes truth about what the movie gets right, what it misses, and what real matchmaking actually looks like.

Matchmaking Is Not a Numbers Game (Even When Numbers Exist)

One of Materialists’ core questions is whether love can be engineered through metrics: age, income, height, algorithms, compatibility percentages.

Yes, real matchmaking includes logistics. Those are the easy parts.

What the film glosses over is that numbers are the least important part of the work. The real labor happens in the unquantifiable spaces: values, communication patterns, emotional readiness, long-term vision, and how someone actually shows up in a relationship.

When I meet someone as a potential match, that conversation is never a few bullet points on a notepad. It is hours of listening, observing, and asking layered questions. We write essays, not scribbles. Anything less would be a disservice to both people involved.

The Biggest Red Flag in the Film Wasn’t Cynicism, It Was Carelessness

There is a pivotal scene in Materialists where Dakota Johnson’s character reviews sparse notes about a match she arranged. From an employer’s standpoint, that moment was alarming.

In real matchmaking, failing to deeply vet someone is not a harmless oversight. It is a serious breach of responsibility. Matchmakers are not just connectors. We are fiduciaries of trust.

That scene highlighted something Hollywood often misunderstands: matchmaking is not casual emotional labor. It requires rigor, accountability, and ethics. Anything less would be unacceptable in a professional setting.

Real Matchmakers Do Not Chase Clients on the Street

The film depicts the matchmaker hustling for clients in public, handing out business cards to strangers. That may make for dynamic visuals, but it is not how reputable matchmaking works today.

For decades, my work has been built on inbound trust and community visibility. People find matchmakers because they are ready, not because they were cornered on a sidewalk.

There is still stigma around matchmaking, but it has never been about desperation. It has always been about outsourcing something important when time, energy, or burnout make modern dating unsustainable.

About That Dark Plotline: Accountability Matters

Without spoiling unnecessarily, Materialists introduces a storyline involving serious misconduct on a date. While dating itself carries risk, portraying such an event as routine within matchmaking is misleading.

In real life, an incident like that would trigger industry-wide conversations, legal review, and immediate protocol changes. Professional matchmakers share best practices, discuss liability, and prioritize client safety above everything else.

This is not swept under the rug. Ever.

Burnout Is Real, But Cynicism Is a Choice

One thing the film does capture accurately is burnout. Matchmaking is emotionally demanding work. If someone does not last at least 18 months in this field, they usually leave.

You absorb people’s hopes, fears, projections, and frustrations. You witness dating fatigue up close. But becoming cynical about love itself is not inevitable.

If you fundamentally stop believing in love, you are in the wrong profession.

Great matchmakers do not promise marriage. We do not guarantee outcomes. We walk alongside people, helping them have better experiences than they would on their own.

What Movies Rarely Show: Matchmakers as Community Builders

What I wish Materialists had shown more clearly is the role of the matchmaker as a community builder.

My grandmother, great-grandmother, and great-great-grandmother were matchmakers in war-torn countries. They did not rely on databases or algorithms. They relied on relationships, trust, and social fabric.

Modern matchmaking, at its best, does the same thing. We expand people’s worlds. We create access to communities they would never reach on their own.

That is the work.

The One Thing Everyone Should Know Before Hiring a Matchmaker

If you take nothing else from the film or my commentary, remember this:

Your first match is with your matchmaker.

There is no universal “best” matchmaker. There are only matchmakers whose values, methodology, and style align with yours. Ask how they source matches. Ask how they vet people. Ask how they define success.

Matchmaking done well is deeply human, not transactional.

Final Thoughts

Hollywood loves a cynical love story. Real life is messier, slower, and far more hopeful.

I am grateful to People for inviting me into the conversation around Materialists, and I am always glad when pop culture opens the door to talking honestly about how we date, how we connect, and how we care for one another.

Love is not a product. Matchmaking is not magic. But done with integrity, it is still one of the most powerful tools we have for connection.

If you want a relationship built on intention, alignment, and real connection - not apps, burnout, or guesswork - matchmaking offers a simpler path forward.

👉 Apply to Work With Agape Match

Real connection starts with better systems, not more swiping.

Author

Maria Avgitidis

Maria Avgitidis is a bestselling author, podcaster, and fourth-generation matchmaker. As the founder and CEO of Agape Match, she blends a century-old family legacy with contemporary relationship psychology, matching high-achieving singles through a refined, community-driven process that has produced thousands of meaningful matches.