How to Survive Ghosting and Dating Fatigue

An edited interview originally conducted by Chrissy Rutherford for FWD Joy.

Modern dating has a way of making even the most confident people question themselves. One promising connection can dissolve overnight. A great first date can end in silence. And the more options we have, the harder it can feel to find clarity.

That’s where Maria Avgitidis, founder of Agape Match, comes in. Known for her no-nonsense advice and deeply human approach to relationships, Maria has spent nearly two decades helping singles navigate dating fatigue, ghosting, emotional availability, and the transition from chemistry-driven dating to compatibility-driven partnership.

In this conversation, Maria breaks down how dating apps reshaped intimacy, why ghosting feels so destabilizing, how to ask better first-date questions, and what it actually takes to meet people in real life again.

From Family Lore to Professional Matchmaking

Chrissy: You’re a fifth-generation matchmaker. Did you always know this was your calling?

Maria: Honestly? No. I didn’t even know this was a job. In my family, matchmaking wasn’t a business — it was community leadership. My grandmother and great-grandmother were the people who knew everyone, held everyone’s secrets, and understood how families, values, and livelihoods intersected.

I pursued a master’s degree in Global Affairs at NYU, thinking I’d go into foreign service. But I’ve always been a natural connector. People started asking me to make introductions — professionally and romantically — and suddenly Matchmaker Maria was born. Agape Match came later, when I realized I had to approach this as a business, not just a passion.

Dating as a Matchmaker (Before Marriage)

Chrissy: Was it strange being a matchmaker while single?

Maria: I started my company in my early twenties. I was dating constantly, just like everyone else. I understood the struggle firsthand, which actually helped me market my business authentically.

Meeting my husband made me better at my job. Before him, I chased intense chemistry — and it always burned out fast. With him, the connection was calmer. Curious. Steady. I wasn’t instantly swept away, but I wanted to know him more. That’s something I’ve seen over and over again with clients who find lasting partnerships.

Strong relationships don’t always arrive with fireworks. Often, they arrive with curiosity.

Why Dating Apps Didn’t Kill Matchmaking

Chrissy: How have dating apps changed your work?

Maria: Dating apps existed when I started — OKCupid, early Match — but Tinder changed everything. Swiping culture collapsed much of the dating industry while simultaneously increasing demand for matchmaking.

Now, online dating is normalized. If you’re single, you’re expected to be on apps. But many people are exhausted by them. Dating fatigue is real. And for people who can’t or don’t want to rely solely on apps, matchmaking becomes a lifeline.

Apps didn’t replace matchmakers. They made our work more necessary.

Compatibility Over Chemistry

One of the most persistent myths in dating is that you’ll “just know” when you meet the right person.

Maria: The problem is that most people are operating from a subconscious checklist they made when they were much younger. If you don’t consciously define what compatibility actually looks like for you, you’ll keep repeating patterns.

That’s why my coaching work focuses less on “how to date” and more on who you’re compatible with and where you’re most likely to meet them.

If you don’t have a map, it’s hard to find the treasure.

Attachment Styles and Emotional Clarity

Chrissy: You introduced me to Attached, and it changed how I see relationships.

Maria: Attachment theory gives people language. Anxious people often over-accommodate. Avoidant people often stay because their needs are being met without having to fully show up. Without awareness, those dynamics loop endlessly.

The goal isn’t perfection — it’s communication. You’re allowed to say: Here’s what I need to feel safe. Can you meet me there?
If the answer is no — or silence — that’s information.

The 12-Date Rule (And Why It Works)

Maria’s well-known 12-Date Rule isn’t about withholding sex. It’s about gathering data.

Twelve dates (defined as meaningful interactions, not calendar weeks) allow you to observe:

• Who they are on good days

• Who they are on bad days

• How they treat your emotions

• How they respect boundaries

Chemistry can blur judgment. Time restores it.

You’re not meant to get to twelve dates with everyone. And that’s the point.

Ghosting, Closure, and Self-Respect

Chrissy: Is ghosting worse now?

Maria: I don’t know if it’s worse — but it hurts just as much. Ghosting is about avoidance and fear. Closure rarely comes from the other person. It comes from choosing not to chase acknowledgment from someone who couldn’t show basic respect.

If sending a message helps you, write it — but send it to a friend, not the ghoster. Protect your energy.

Dating requires grace. Especially with yourself.

First Dates, Social Media, and Meeting IRL

• Don’t over-research before a first date. You’ll fall for a persona instead of a person.

• Move off the apps quickly. Three messages in, start planning.

• Ask lifestyle questions on first dates, not trauma questions.

• Block time to meet people in real life. Two social commitments a week for 90 days can completely transform your dating life.

The goal isn’t to meet the one at every event. It’s to build social capital.

The Reframe That Changes Everything

Instead of asking, “Do they like me?”
Ask: “Do I like them?”

A lot of dating anxiety disappears when you remember that you’re also evaluating.

And sometimes, the most empowering realization is this:
You don’t need to make dating harder than it already is.

If you are selective, value your privacy, want meaningful results, and recognize that your dating pool has changed with time, professional matchmaking may be the right next step.
Dating does not have to feel chaotic or overwhelming. With the right structure and guidance, it can feel purposeful again.