The Types of Daters You Think You’re Avoiding (But Probably Aren’t)

As a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I can honestly say I have heard everything. My clients tell me what they are looking for, all of their dating obstacles and patterns, and sometimes truly unhinged dating gossip. They also tell me what they are not attracted to, and it is rarely what they think it is.

What consistently trips people up is not chemistry or looks. It is behavior. More specifically, patterns of behavior that seem small at first but become impossible to ignore once you are emotionally invested.

Here are three types of daters who quietly derail relationships and why spotting them early matters.

1. The Chronically Inconsiderate Person

How to spot them:
These people walk among us undetected. On a first or second date, they often seem perfectly fine. It is only when you depend on them for something basic, like showing up on time or following through, that their true nature shows itself.

In everyday life, they take up more space than they need, physically or emotionally. They do not notice inconvenience unless it affects them directly. They assume others will adjust.

Why this matters in dating:
Inconsideration is not about etiquette. It is about empathy. People who struggle to notice the needs of others tend to struggle with emotional attunement in relationships.

This shows up later as forgotten birthdays, poor communication, lack of follow up, or dismissiveness when something matters to you. A relationship cannot thrive if one person is always adapting and the other is oblivious.

2. The Person With Unreasonable Expectations

How to spot them:
Dates with this person feel more like an interview than a conversation. They lead with criteria, standards, and requirements, often without reflecting on what they themselves offer.

Sometimes you never even make it to the date. You are ruled out for something arbitrary or rigid, like height, job title, or a hyper specific lifestyle preference.

Why this matters in dating:
High standards are healthy. Rigid expectations are not.

People who approach dating like a checklist often struggle with intimacy because real connection requires flexibility. No one thrives in a relationship where they are constantly being evaluated or found lacking.

Healthy dating allows room for curiosity, nuance, and growth.

3. The Person Who Is Always Documenting the Experience

How to spot them:
They talk endlessly about dating culture, their journey, or past situationships. Everything feels narrated. Sometimes they are creating content. Sometimes they are simply more invested in the story of dating than the experience itself.

You may notice they are more focused on commentary than connection.

Why this matters in dating:
Dating requires presence. If someone is always analyzing, documenting, or turning experiences into material, they are not fully engaging with you.

Relationships cannot deepen when one person is observing instead of participating. You deserve to be experienced, not reviewed.

The Real Takeaway

Most people do not end relationships because of obvious red flags. They end them because of repeated moments where they felt unseen, judged, or deprioritized.

Attraction is not just chemistry. It is how someone makes space for you.
Compatibility is not perfection. It is consideration, flexibility, and mutual effort.

If dating keeps feeling exhausting, the question is not only who you are attracted to, but how those people show up once it counts.

That is where better dating decisions begin. 

Author

Maria Avgitidis

Maria Avgitidis is a bestselling author, podcaster, and fourth-generation matchmaker. As the founder and CEO of Agape Match, she blends a century-old family legacy with contemporary relationship psychology, matching high-achieving singles through a refined, community-driven process that has produced thousands of meaningful matches.