Teammate vs Rival in Dating: The Red Flag You're Missing

The internet is full of dating horror stories right now. From "alpine divorces" (partners abandoning each other on hikes) to viral TikToks of people crying alone in national parks, the bar for basic human decency in relationships has officially hit rock bottom.

But here's the uncomfortable truth: these viral moments aren't the first time that person showed you who they were.

The Pattern You Dismissed

Someone willing to abandon you on a mountain trail has exhibited selfish, avoidant behavior before. Maybe it was subtler. Maybe it happened at a cafe over a vacation planning disagreement. Maybe they walked out instead of resolving the conflict.

The person who leaves you stranded didn't suddenly become selfish that day. They've been showing you all along. 

The question is: did you notice? 

Teammate vs. Rival: The Framework That Changes Everything

Here's the simplest way to evaluate whether someone is worth your time: 

Are they a teammate or a rival? 

Rival Mentality

Rival mentality is what happens when people keep score in relationships:

• Unsafe scenarios where you feel abandoned
• The most selfish parts of people showing up
• Resentment building
• Everything feeling unfair 

When someone operates as your rival, they're competing with you instead of collaborating with you. 

Teammate Mentality

Teammate mentality is understanding that all healthy relationships need to be equitable:

• Sometimes you're going through a bad period. Your partner steps up to create balance.
• Sometimes they're going through a bad period. You step up to create equilibrium.
• No relationship (good or bad) won't have its bad moments. It's how you react to those moments that matters. 

In team mentality, you should find yourself building positive resources where the other person feels supported and feels safe.

The Mascot Test

Want to know if you're in team mentality? Adopt a mascot.

It sounds silly, but it works. Some couples are Team Penguin. Others are Team Panda, Team Walrus, Team Giraffe. 

What a mascot does in a relationship is create the reminder and acknowledgement of team mentality. You're only as good as how the team as a whole is.

Someone abandoning you at a national park (or a state park, or anywhere unsafe where amenities to call for help don't exist)? That is your enemy. That is a rival. That is a person who has never participated in team mentality. 

Most Proposals Shouldn't Be Surprises

Let's talk about another trend: proposals.

If you're in team mentality, if you've got your mascot, if you're intentionally dating each other thinking this could lead to marriage, that means during your dating period (6 months, 9 months, 18 months, 24 months, however long), you should naturally be able to talk about your future together. 

These are natural relationship conversations that should be happening:

• "I've always thought about moving outside the city. Where would you live?"
• "I've always wanted to provide my future children with really great public schools."
• "What kind of faith would we raise our children in?"
• "Should we move in together before we're engaged?" 

You're allowed while you're dating to have independent fantasies. The point is to share them so you can see where you're aligned. 

Can you see the other person's perspective? How much does your perception change because you heard theirs? How much does theirs change because they heard yours?

When a proposal happens, it should be a confident yes. A yes rooted in security and understanding the vision of your future. 

The Low-Stakes Meetup: A Smarter Way to Date 

Here's a dating trend we love: the Hinge Baker.

A woman is going viral for bringing homemade sourdough to men she meets on Hinge. She's not calling them dates. She's calling them "sourdough handoffs and a quick chat." 

Why this works:

On Hinge, you swap three text messages. From that, you're supposed to decide if you want to go on a full date with a stranger. But let's be real: usually, you know within the first 30 seconds if the vibe is there or not. 

So why not remove the pressure entirely? 

It's not a date. It's a vibe check. You're just meeting a stranger. See if you vibe. Create a low-stakes moment. Then you can go on your real first date. 

Stop calling it online dating. Start calling it a meetup app. That's what you're doing. You're meeting up. You get to see if they're real, if they're normal, and (yes) what they smell like. 

Don't waste your good makeup on complete strangers on the internet. 

The Matchmaking Insight: What We're Seeing in 2026

As a professional matchmaker with nearly 20 years of experience, trends emerge quickly when you're interviewing people every single day about their dating histories, how they're meeting people, what apps they're using, and what they value. 

Right now, we're seeing: 

• AI matchmaking emerging (though it's often just funneling people into algorithms, not genuine human connection)
• Faith-based dating becoming more coded (some using religious affiliation as a proxy for political alignment rather than genuine spiritual connection)
• Creative low-stakes meetups replacing traditional first dates (sourdough handoffs, backgammon games, hobby-based gatherings) 

The through line? People are craving authenticity, proximity, and community. 

Relationships are always formed between proximity and familiarity. The more you show up in spaces where you can see the same people and create rapport, the more likely you are to build something real.

The Bottom Line

How someone treats you on your good and bad days, and how they treat you when they're having a good day or bad day, those things really matter.

We should not be going on vacations that could find us in unsafe scenarios with people we wouldn't trust. We should not ignore selfish behavior.

At the end of the day, we need to:

• Prioritize our self-respect
• Preserve our dignity
• Be hyper-aware of how people treat us in relationships 

Do better at recognizing which partner is a teammate versus a rival.

Because the person who abandons you on a mountain? They've been showing you who they are all along. 

The question is: are you paying attention? 

Looking for a partner who's actually on your team? Agape Match connects selective, private individuals with people who are genuinely excited to meet them. 

Author

Lucinda Luttrell

Lucinda is a Senior Matchmaker at Agape Match, where she works closely with clients to help them find and foster meaningful relationships. With a keen eye for compatibility and a passion for bringing people together, Lucinda meets with matches, curates connections, and supports clients as they navigate their matchmaking journey.